remnants of remnants

In his short story The Bottle Imp, Robert Louis Stevenson describes an intriguing puzzle.

Satan appears and offers to sell you a bottle for any price you choose. The bottle, he tells you truthfully, contains an imp, which is like a genie but more mischievous. This imp will grant its owner any wish — in fact, it will grant an unlimited number of wishes. Admittedly, there is a minor catch: whoever owns the bottle when he dies must sacrifice his soul to Satan for eternity. But this is surely no big deal — simply buy the bottle, wish yourself lifelong success, fame and fortune, and then sell it to someone else before you die.

However, Satan explains, there is a complication:

• To get rid of the bottle, you must sell it at a cash loss. (That is, you must sell it for a cash amount less than you paid for it.)

Finally, to sidestep smart-arse solutions, Satan stipulates two further rules :(1) you must also explain all these rules to any future buyers, and make sure they understand them; (2) the bottle imp won’t grant any wish that contradicts the rules as he’s described them (so it won’t grant eternal life to its owner, or release its owner from his ownership, or allow itself to be given away for free…).

Now, Satan is offering to sell you the bottle for any price you choose. How much should you pay?

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“No romance!” said Juliet;
“I haven’t left school yet!
“We’re friends, just friends.”
Said Samson, “Delilah?
“Why, she’s my hairstyler.
“We’re friends, just friends.”
Said Mrs Fitzherbert, ”My friend is Prince Regent.
“I scorn every slur, but one must be obedient.”
“Who, Abelard?” said Héloise;
“He’s not my fella, he’s
“A friend – just friends.”

Said Hero and Leander,
“It’s nothing but slander,
“We’re chums, just chums.”
Said Troilus to Cressida,
“Don’t believe the pressida:
“We’re friends.”
When they whispered Napoleon pays Josephine’s rent,
“Nonsense,” said Bonaparte, ”she lives on her own, apart,
“In her own apart-ment.”
Said Orpheus, Euridice,
But that’s all sub judice.

So guard against gossip, and take every care,
Lest some blameless escutcheon you blot,
Such models of friendship are precious and rare,
Though the friendship of models is not!

Doing some research for an article I’m writing about surgical training, I came across this gem of a quote on the website of the Royal College of Surgeons — intended, believe it or not, to encourage young people to consider a career in the area:

It is fun. You literally are fixing people together.

Must be some strange definition of ‘fun’ I haven’t previously considered.

A random find: this company will turn the remains of your loved one into an (almost) immortal diamond…

If you have been searching for the most unique and priceless connection to the one you love, the LifeGem® is right for you. Each LifeGem®, created from the carbon in a lock of hair, symbolizes your precious and personal bond with another. With this closeness offered only by a LifeGem®, you will have your loved one with you and in your life at all times.

Game number one.

When I was a student, I got together with some friends and we held a murder mystery party. We bought one of those off-the-shelf boxes (Host Your Own Murder Party, or something like that), we invited the right number of people and everyone turned up in costume. And it was a miserable failure.

Don’t get me wrong – we had a pleasant enough evening. Dressing up was fun. Seeing your mates drunk and twirling plastic moustaches or billowing capes was fun. But as a game, it was entirely disappointing.

It went something like this. Before the party, we were each given a couple of sentences about our character, enough to help us choose costumes and practise an accent. (Needless to say, the characters all had entertainingly silly names like Ivan Oder and Jay Walker.) On arrival, each person had a specified seat at the dinner table, and in the middle of the table was a cassette player. When we pressed play, we were treated to a rather hammed-up introduction (narrated by a fellow called Sherlock McClue, if I remember rightly) explaining that a rich old lady had just been killed and one of the people around the table had committed the crime. And it was our job to find out whodunnit.

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